Critter is my first born. He is the guinea pig. He is a ten-year-old blonde-haired, blue-eyed cutie. I'm glad we kept him. We decided to have him after we had been married for three years and I had attended too many baby showers one summer. The giraffe-printed onesies finally got to me.
He was due on April 15th. We didn't know if he was going to be a boy or a girl. His nursery was painted yellow with a Hey Diddle Diddle border.
When I was about ten weeks along, I had some spotting. It was terrifying, especially since I had had a miscarriage previously. I was at school, where I worked as an English teacher. I had gone to the restroom to pee (for the millionth time that day, of course), and I noticed the blood in my underwear. I went to my department head, sobbing and hysterical. I thought if this were another miscarriage, maybe I would never have kids. My department head sent someone to cover my class for me; it was the last one of the day, thankfully.
I was in her office, still crying, and students were coming in for this or that. I could just hear the rumors now. No one knew I was pregnant, but I'm sure my kids would wonder what was upsetting Ms. Sullivan. A good cussing? I was fired? A death threat? Gossip rules the high school. Anyway, my boss, who had had her share of miscarriages, sent me home to call my doctor.
My doctor said she didn't do ultrasounds on Friday, but I could make an appointment on Monday. What? We are supposed to wait until Monday to find out if we have lost another baby or not? Livid. Doc says if I'm going to miscarry, there is nothing that can be done about it anyway. Apparently she isn't familiar with the term "peace of mind."
One agonizing weekend later (no more spotting, thankfully), I went in for an ultrasound and saw my little peanut on the screen. Although minuscule, he's alive, and everything looked normal.
I went through the rest of my pregnancy with no more scares. No morning sickness even. I gained 50 pounds. A nurse told me, "I gained too much with my first one too." I wanted to slap her. I didn't gorge myself purposefully; I was just always hungry.
At about 38 weeks, I started having painful Braxton Hicks. My husband, Steve, started timing them. They kept coming regularly until we were about to call the doc, and then theywould fizzle out. This went on for about two weeks. In fact, one night we were so sure the baby was coming that we called the grandparents and headed to the hospital. The moment I waddled in the door the contractions went away. Embarrassing...
While being uselessly checked out at the hospital, I overheard a woman screaming. Her husband was nervously answering questions from the nurse. I heard the nurse say the woman was three centimeters dilated. I had just been told I was dilated to two. I thought in horror, "am I only one centimeter from THAT?" I felt the kind of dread one feels when on a roller coaster and about to go down the big hill.
My hubby and I had attended birth classes like dutiful first timers. I went to the first class determined that no one was going to change my mind about drugs, drugs, and more drugs during the birth. We had wonderful teachers who demonstrated all of the options. They weren't pushy, but objective and honest. The classes served their educational purpose, and we came away from them informed, enlightened, and inspired. Inspired to go all-natural. Yes, I became one of those.
Steve mercilessly kept me walking throughout my pregnancy. We walked a lot toward the end, trying to make things happen. Mostly what happened was my bladder felt like it was going to fall out. One night, at forty-one and a half weeks gestation, we walked to the grocery store (about a mile and a half from our house).
I was having the Braxton Hicks contractions again. I was in a bad mood. Hubby was taking too long deciding on cookies. Finally he picked out some crappy Chips Ahoy, and we headed to the video store next door.
We started for home with the cookies and Witness. We lounged on the couch watching our movie.This was about 8:45 PM. Suddenly I heard a tiny "pop" like someone smacking his lips together. I went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and heard tinkling sounds, only I wasn't urinating. My water had broken! It was only trickling, which I didn't even know was an option in water breakage.
Steve and I grabbed our bag, which had a layer of dust on it from being ready for so long (I was a week and a half overdue and had been having false labor since 38 weeks). We called the grandparents and doc. We drove to the hospital to have our Critter.
We got to the hospital about 9:45. Critter was born at 1:45 AM. The labor was about five hours total, that I know of. I could tell NO difference between the false labor pains and the real ones, only that the real ones didn't fizzle out a few hours later, and a baby did eventually come out. Perhaps I had a super long labor lasting two weeks. Either that, or I had a quick labor.
I was thinking I'd have a typical labor of eight to ten hours or longer. Thinking this, I asked for an epidural a little before 1:00. I had been managing the pain by breathing techniques, rocking, and looking at a picture of Maui. I discovered walking while in labor is for the birds. Then, the contractions started coming relentlessly closer together, and I could not rest. I thought I could not take going all night like this.
The nurse I had was one of the most knowledgeable, kind, and skilled that I've ever had. She told me she had had five children (foreshadowing, anyone?), some with an epidural and some without. She didn't push me one way or the other, but simply let me know she'd been there and could answer questions. After she ordered my epidural, she said, "let me check you before we give it to you." She checked me, and I was almost ten centimeters. She told me that she had been suspicious that I was in transition. She advised me to forgo the drugs, because at this point, it was almost over. As if by magic, the pain went away. Maybe my pain-addled brain thought I'd gotten the epidural after all.
I rested for a long time, perhaps twenty minutes, without a contraction (I have since learned this is appropriately called "the resting phase." Then, holy hell, there came the pressure. If I pushed along with it, though, it did not hurt. My baby was resting at the cervical opening in such a way that I felt a natural pain relief (can't remember the medical terms for this). This whole last part of labor was almost pain-free. It lasted about an hour. I mistakenly had arranged to have an episiotomy. I've never "needed" one since, and probably didn't need one then. I grossed Steve (and myself) out for nothing (http://www.hencigoer.com/obmyth/epis.html).
Critter was one ounce shy of nine pounds. He was twenty and a half inches long. He was a boy! He was born with the "Dr. Phil" hairstyle, which he soon lost and was a baldy until he was two. Steve was skipping around with our 1990s camcorder like it was Christmas.
The Grandmas, who were there watching the whole time (it seems like they should've been eating popcorn while enjoying the show), were sanitizing it up; everyone wanted to hold the little blue bundle.
A few days later they let us take him home. We left quickly, before they realized they were handing a baby over to clueless bumblers.
Critter:
Born April 26th, 1999 at 1:45 AM
8 pounds and 15 ounces
20 1/2 inches long
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